


So This Is New

by engineering_madonna



Series: Ram and King's Adventures in Miscommunication [2]
Category: My Engineer (TV)
Genre: Bohn gives both good and awful advice, Canon Compliant, Friendship, M/M, Sexuality, demisexual Ram, everything is so awkward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:20:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26057119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/engineering_madonna/pseuds/engineering_madonna
Summary: It wasn’t that he was grossed out by the thought of sex. Honestly he’d thought if one day someone came along and he wanted to have sex with them, then he would probably be okay with it. On the flip side, if he never ended up wanting sex with anyone, he thought that would be just as good. Personally, he’d been pretty indifferent to it all. At least, that had been the case before King.Ram starts having feelings he hasn't experienced before and maybe freaks out a little bit along the way.Sequel to I Swear I'm not an Alcoholic but can be read on its own.
Relationships: King/Ram (My Engineer)
Series: Ram and King's Adventures in Miscommunication [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1891606
Comments: 13
Kudos: 139





	So This Is New

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of this is based on my own experience of coming to terms with my sexuality, so sorry if it's a little OOC.

It happened on a pretty regular Thursday night. They’d done their homework next to each, with King occasionally looking over to help Ram with a problem he had difficulty with. They’d made dinner (Ram made dinner, King was exiled from the kitchen the moment he’d attempted to “help”). While they ate, King talked about his day and what ridiculous antics his friends had gotten up to. Ram had nodded and smiled and like always, making the occasional comment, and King didn’t ask for more, simply happy to enjoy Ram’s presence. They’d done the dishes together, King washing while Ram dried, and then sat down on the couch to watch…something. Ram wasn’t entirely certain what, as about five minutes in, King had apparently seen enough and started kissing his way up Ram’s neck.  
Somehow, and he was never quite sure how they got into these positions, Ram found himself laying on his side with King pressed up against him, sucking on the dream catcher tattoo under his ear. None of this was out of the ordinary, not the way they were situated or King’s predisposition towards that particular tattoo. It was really turning out to be an average Thursday night. It was when King’s mouth had finally made its way back to Ram’s and he felt a familiar hardness against his thigh that he’d gotten the unfamiliar urge to touch. 

Now Ram loved touching King. He loved carding his fingers through King’s incredibly soft hair. He loved pushing his hands up King’s shirt so that he could splay them across the other man’s back. He loved holding King’s hand when they watched movies and he loved tracing circles on King’s stomach when he held him from behind. He loved prolonged touches, short touches, gentle touches, and hard touches. He just really loved having his hands on King, so wanting to touch his boyfriend was in no way a strange phenomenon. It was where he currently felt inclined to place his hands that sent Ram’s brain into a bit of a spiral. 

It was in that moment that Ram, in a sudden panic even he hadn’t expected, ripped his mouth from King’s, eyes wide, trying to make sense of this newfound train of thought. King immediately pulled back to look at Ram, clearly worried.

“Cool Boy, what’s wrong? Did I go too far?”

Ram wanted to laugh, of course King assumed this was his fault. And though he wanted to reply, his words, as they often did, failed him when he wanted them most. Instead Ram shook his head and tried to appear as normal as possible. 

King didn’t look convinced, but also didn’t prod any further. Instead he wrapped his arms around Ram’s shoulders and held him tightly. “Do you want to watch the show instead?” King asked, lips brushing against Ram’s hair, voice gentle and calming, offering a distraction and a way out of his current predicament. Instantly Ram began to relax, nodding into King’s shoulder. 

“Okay, do you want to sit up again?”

He shook his head no.

“Do you want to keep laying like this?”

No again.

“How do you want me?”

Ram motioned behind himself vaguely, though King understood immediately. He nodded and then smiled in a way that seemed say “it’s okay, I’m here” before rolling over Ram to get behind him. Tucked in King’s arms, the tension in Ram’s body dissipated. They lay like that the rest of the evening, and while it was a welcome distraction, the thoughts that had caused the disruption of their typical Thursday evening persisted.  
-  
The thing was, it wasn’t that Ram had never thought of sex, he’d just never really felt any drive to partake before. Growing up, his friends, both male and female, had talked about people they were attracted to, things they wanted to do to those people, and eventually as they got older, the actions they had partook in. All these years, Ram had just sort of nodded along and accepted that he just didn’t feel that way. It wasn’t that he was grossed out by the thought of sex. Honestly he’d thought if one day someone came along and he wanted to have sex with them, then he would probably be okay with it. On the flip side, if he never ended up wanting sex with anyone, he thought that would be just as good. Personally, he’d been pretty indifferent to it all. At least, that had been the case before King. Actually, up until recently it had been the case during his time with King as well. 

Ram clearly remembered a moment in the first month they’d been dating, really dating and not just making out when King was pretending to be drunk. On a night, much like the aforementioned normal Thursday, King’s hand had slid just a little too low in Ram’s opinion. And while he wasn’t necessarily against King putting his hand down there, he didn’t really want him to either. So, without breaking the kiss, Ram had reached down and grabbed offending hand, bringing it back up to rest against his waist where it belonged. They’d never talked about it, which Ram now realizes was probably a mistake. Whatever the case, five months into their relationship and King had never tried again and Ram had initiated anything similar.

So here he was, never having wanted to do anything like this in all his 19 years of life, and while not necessarily terrifying, it was territory he had absolutely no experience with.  
-  
“Excuse me, you want to what?” Duen blinked, clearly put off guard from his perch on the coffee table across from Ram.

Having told Duen earlier in the day that there was something he’d like to talk to him about, Duen had taken it pretty seriously, but didn’t really push. They’d gotten take out and relaxed, and Duen mostly stayed patient waiting for Ram to open up. Eventually Duen gave up on that, seating himself across from Ram, giving his best serious, “you can tell me anything” face. So he finally did.

Ram sighed and shifted uncomfortably. He really didn’t know why he came to Duen tonight to talk about this. Maybe he should have talked to someone else. Or no one. That was probably the better option.

“I want to touch P’King,” Ram clenched his fists, trying to look anywhere but Duen’s face, “…sexually.”

“Okay,” Duen paused, gauging the situation, “and that’s a bad thing?”

Ram leaned his head back against the couch. Pressing the heal of his hands into his eyes, he slowly shook his head. Why did this have to be so awkward? He heard Duen shift, but stayed the way he was, thank goodness.

“It’s a good thing?”

Ram shrugged.

“It’s a confusing thing?” Ding ding ding, they had a winner. Ram nodded, finally peaking at Duen who looked more sympathetic than anything else.

“This is the first time you’ve ever felt this way about someone, isn’t it.” It wasn’t really a question as far as Ram could tell, and Duen certainly didn’t seem surprised by any means, which in itself was also not particularly surprising. Although Ram kept to himself about personal things for the most part, Duen was Ram’s best friend, and while naïve, was pretty perceptive when it didn’t involve himself.

“Yeah, he’s the first.” 

Duen nodded in understanding, getting up from where he sat on the coffee table to sit beside Ram on the couch. After situating himself, he turned to look at Ram hesitantly. “So I’m guessing you don’t know what to do now.”

Ram shifted to face Duen and nodded. 

“You haven’t been doing anything sexual before, right?”

“Not really, mostly just kissing and stuff like that. Nothing below the waist.”

Duen clearly seemed to be thinking and came to the exact wrong conclusion. “Did you want sex advice?”

Ram almost gagged, oh hell no. Shooting up from his relaxed position, he shook his head furiously.

Putting up his hands apologetically, Duen laughed a little. “Okay, okay, no sex advice.”

Ram relaxed again. He did not want sex advice from Duen of all people. Naivety aside, Ram had no interest in knowing what his friend and Bohn got up to. Mostly he had no interest in knowing what Bohn got up to. That was an image Ram would prefer to stay out of his mind forever.

“I guess,” Ram looked at his hands, clenching and unclenching again, “I guess I just wanted someone to talk about this with.”

Duen nodded in understanding. They sat in comfortable silence for a bit before Duen spoke again. “I hope this doesn’t come off wrong, but I always thought you might be asexual.”

Ram shrugged, “Honestly, I thought I might be too.”

“But not anymore,” Duen confirmed.

Ram huffed out a laugh, “Definitely not anymore.”

Duen giggled before sitting back again and looking thoughtful. “So are you demisexual?”

Ram honestly didn’t know, but it seemed to fit. “Probably.” 

Duen nodded again, smiling. “Okay, thank you for trusting me with this.”

This felt nice, the feelings of uncertainty that had been filling Ram were slowly easing in the presence of his best friend.

“Am I allowed to come out of the bedroom yet? This is my apartment you know.” And also in the presence of said best friend’s boyfriend.

Duen rolled his eyes before turning back to look at a petulant looking Bohn. Ram would be more annoyed at him breaking the mood, but he did technically have a point.

“I told you that Ram needed me tonight for a friend talk.”

“Yes, you did, and I said that was fine, but why do you have to do it in my living room?”

Duen looked at Ram exasperated, as though Bohn’s perfectly reasonable question was ridiculous. If Ram were in Bohn’s shoes, he had to admit that he would probably feel similarly. But he wasn’t in Bohn’s shoes, so he took Duen’s side immediately and rolled his eyes back at his best friend in agreement.

“I already told you, we needed to talk in a private place and I didn’t want Daonua interrupting, and we obviously can’t do this at P’King’s place. Also, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s raining, so we needed to do this inside. Plus,” Duen emphasized, crossing his arms and raising his eyebrows, “you said we could meet here after I said I’d stay the night and do that thing you wanted.”

The way that Bohn looked after Duen brought up “that thing” made Ram want to simultaneously disappear into the couch and throw up. Talking about his sexuality with Duen was one thing, knowing that after he left, Duen would be performing some sort of illicit act with Bohn was quite another. Ram really couldn’t think of something much worse until the eye contact that Bohn and Duen proceeded to engage in left him feeling violated just by being in the same space as them.

They finally stopped when Ram awkwardly coughed to diffuse whatever this weird tension was. He missed they days when Duen would barely even touch Boen, while unhealthy for their relationship, it was at least a lot less uncomfortable for everyone else. Duen at least had enough awareness to blush and issue a quiet apology. Bohn didn’t seem like he could care less about it, the asshole.  
Ram pointed at the door and raised his eyebrows, clearly asking if he should leave now for everyone’s sake.

“No no, you should stay, you probably have more you want to talk about.” Duen clung to Ram’s arm enthusiastically, while Bohn pouted in the background. 

“I’ll just go,” Ram said, gently prying Duen’s hands from his arm. He’d clearly overstayed his welcome and he was ready to go.

Duen eventually gave in and walked Ram to the door, giving him a quick hug. “If you need to talk about this more, don’t be afraid to ask. You’re my best friend, I’ll always be here for you.”  
Touched and maybe a little emotionally raw, Ram left ready to face King.  
-  
Except he didn’t face King. Because honestly, what was he supposed to do? After five months of fairly chaste dating, how did one go about acting on sexual desires? Ram was pretty sure that King wanted to do these kinds of things, but he’d never said anything or acted on it except for the one time. Ram certainly didn’t feel ready to do as King had and reach down while they were kissing. What if Ram freaked him out? What if Ram freaked out? While Ram wanted these kinds of things, how far did he want to go? What if he allowed things to progress, was there any way to go back if he realized he didn’t want it after all? There were too many unknowns here, so taking a page out of King’s book, instead of facing the issue head on, Ram avoided it.  
-  
“Not that I don’t want you to have friend time, but this is the third Friday in a row that Ram is here, and it is getting kind of ridiculous, no offense Ram.”

Both Ram and Duen looked up from where they were playing on their phones on the couch. Ram shrugged, no offense taken.

The truth was, Ram had been avoiding King. On weekdays, he’d stay at school late studying with his friends, coming home late enough that anything physical could easily be brushed off for sleep. And then on weekends he’d go out with the dogs or convince King to spend the day outdoors, hoping being in public would stave off any displays of affection. The only day he really couldn’t account for was Friday, which he got around by crashing with Duen, which ultimately meant hanging out at Bohn’s for some reason. It wasn’t like Ram had planned for things to go this way, but he’d kind of hoped that over time he would get some sort of clarity. So far, he hadn’t, and three weeks later, Ram was running out of excuses to give King.

Duen pouted at an exasperated Bohn, who for once seemed unaffected. Apparently, Ram really had outstayed his welcome if Bohn was able to resist the full power of Duen’s puppy eyes. Ram would be impressed if it weren’t directly in contrast to his interests.

After an extremely long staring match that thankfully didn’t seem to stray into the sexual sphere, Duen sighed in concession. 

“Ram, I hate to admit it, but for once Bohn has a point.”

For a moment Bohn looked quite happy with himself before processing exactly what Duen had said. “What do you mean for once?” Bohn questioned grumpily. Duen merely patted him on the arm, but otherwise ignored him.

“I think you need to face the issue at hand. Isn’t P’King starting to worry?”

Ram shrugged, but he knew the truth. During the first week, King hadn’t really seemed to question anything, but lately his smiles had seemed strained, a look of concern marring his features when he didn’t think Ram was looking. Honestly, Ram felt like an awful boyfriend, but he really didn’t know what to do.

Bohn sighed and moved past Duen, sitting on the coffee table across from Ram much like Duen had done three weeks previously. Unlike when Duen had done it though, Bohn stared at Ram more directly, putting his hands together almost aggressively.

“I promised I wouldn’t say anything because Duen said you wouldn’t like it if I knew, but King is my best friend and he’s honestly been freaking out about this for at least two weeks now.”

Suddenly guilt crashed into Ram like a ton of bricks. Shaking his head, he slumped forward to rest it in his hands. He’d been so caught up in his own worries that he was causing one of the people he cared about most in the world to suffer.

With uncharacteristic gentleness, Bohn awkwardly patted Ram’s shoulder, which while appreciated, was pretty unwelcome still as it was coming from Bohn.

“I know we aren’t really friends and you still kind of hate me,” Ram shrugged, he wasn’t going to disagree. Bohn huffed out an annoyed breath before continuing, “but King loves you, and no matter what, you have to know you can go to him with anything. That’s what being in a relationship means, putting yourself out there and knowing the other person will be there for you.”

“Bohn,” Duen murmured breathlessly with what Ram imagined was a truly adoring and stupid grin on his face. Ram slowly looked up at Bohn who looked a little too pleased with himself, slightly ruining the effect. Whatever the case, King was actually right, Bohn could be really insightful. For once Ram understood why Bohn was King’s best friend and why Duen loved him so much. Underneath it all, he was a pretty decent guy.

“Honestly, this has a pretty easy solution. I think you really just need to go up to King and say you want to touch his penis.”

Never mind, Ram was going to kill Bohn, and Duen would have to stand there and watch for being a damn blabber mouth.  
-  
After nearly murdering Bohn who survived only because Duen could be incredibly persuasive with those eyes of his and Ram really did need to go home and talk to King, Ram found himself outside the apartment door trying to buck up enough courage to go inside.

Right as he was finally reaching for the doorknob, the door swung open to reveal a very agitated looking King who stopped in shock upon seeing Ram. For a moment they just stared at one another before King unceremoniously dragged Ram inside by his wrist without saying a word. Well the tables had certainly turned, hadn’t they.

Dragging Ram to the couch, King sat him down before standing across from him. Ram was hit with an unpleasant déjà vu of Bohn just hours previously.

King took at breath before resolutely pushing forward, “Ram, I know that there’s something wrong and you’re avoiding me, which honestly, I probably deserve.”

“No, you haven’t done anything,” Ram tried to argue, but King held up a hand to silence him, though it didn’t seem angry or aggressive in any way. He actually seemed resigned to something, which broke Ram’s heart.

“Just listen to me Ram,” stepping forward, King got down on his knees in front of Ram and took his hands in his own, “I know you’ve been distant lately, and you’ve been avoiding physical intimacy, so if I’ve gone too far for you, I’m sorry. I would never go past your boundaries intentionally.” Ram felt like he was choking. All he wanted to do was make King stop, so he could tell him the truth, that the issue was the exact opposite, but the words were stuck in his throat, refusing to be let out. 

Seeming to understand Ram’s distress, King reached up and cupped Ram’s face in his hand, rubbing gently with his thumb, “I love you and I’m pretty sure you still love me, so whatever this is, we can work through it.” King seemed so genuine, his face so open with adoration, so ready to fix everything, even if he didn’t know exactly what it was that needed fixing. But that was King, loving, kind, and the best boyfriend Ram could ever ask for. Ram knew he had to say something, anything that could fix this.

“I want to touch your penis,” Ram blurted out, which incidentally, was not what he’d wanted to say at all. He was definitely going to murder Bohn the next time he saw him.

King’s eyes widened, his jaw dropping slightly, freezing where he kneeled, hand still fixed to Ram’s cheek. Ram sat there rooted on the spot, wishing he could just spontaneously combust or something. Why couldn’t he go back to the days where he was cool and mysterious and he didn’t actually have to say words to King? At least back then he didn’t practically yell at his boyfriend that he wanted to touch his privates like a total idiot.

After a truly uncomfortable silence, King, seeming to get his bearings back, leaned onto the balls of hit feet and swallowed hard, “Like right now?”

Ram, still shocked at his own outburst, shook his head. “Uh, no, not right now.”

“Right, yeah, that would make sense. This isn’t really a, um, penis touching mood.” King seemed incredibly flustered, running his hand through his hair the way Ram had seen him do so many times before. The familiar gesture made Ram feel a little less like dying on the floor. Only a little though.

Letting a breath out of his nose, King closed his eyes for a moment, seeming to steal himself before looking at Ram with a face that he’d never seen on the other man before. It looked strained in a way, but also kind of happy, but mostly very awkward.

“So uh, I didn’t think you wanted to,” King coughed uncomfortably, looking for the right words and not finding them apparently, “I didn’t think you wanted to, um, touch my-”

“Please, if you love me, do not say penis,” Ram begged, once again hiding his face in hands for a very different reason that night.

“-dick,” King finished lamely. Ram groaned. “Sorry, sorry, I don’t know why I said that.” King let out a puff of air and Ram was sure that he was running his hand through his hair again. “I didn’t think you wanted to,” King paused, before continuing slowly, “to do sexual things.”

“I didn’t.” Ram was mortified. He’d had no idea how to have this conversation, but this right here, was definitely not it. 

After what felt like an eternity of painful silence, King finally reached out and touched Ram’s knee.

“Ram, sweetheart, please look at me.” 

Slowly, Ram raised his head, fixing his gaze on King, who, other looking incredibly flushed, seemed to have put himself back together quite well.

“Ram, can you please explain to me what’s going on?” His tone was gentle and assuring as he moved to once again take Ram’s hands in his own. 

After a few calming breaths, Ram started, “All my life, I’ve never wanted to do anything sexual before.” King nodded, not looking shocked by any means. Ram supposed King wouldn’t, all things considered. “But recently, I’ve started to have these feelings or urges or,” Ram sighed heavily, words coming harder and harder as he spoke, “I just, I want to do those kinds of things with you and I have no idea what I’m doing or what I should be doing.” Ram stopped, mouth feeling dry and eyes feeling just a little wet, but at least it was out there in the open.

King looked contemplative, but not put off by any means. “So you’ve been avoiding me because you want to intimate with me in a sexual way, but you’ve never had these kinds of feelings for anyone before, so it kind of freaked you out, am I right?”

Ram shrugged, “Essentially.”

Getting up from where he crouched, King wrapped his arms around Ram, who relaxed into the familiar embrace. Running his fingers through Ram’s hair soothingly, King kissed his temple, murmuring, “You’re allowed to react to this kind of thing however you need Ram, but I’m here for you no matter what.”

Ram sniffed wetly and nuzzled into King’s neck.

“You don’t need to know everything right now and we certainly don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. We can figure this out together, okay?”

Ram nodded against King’s neck, before sitting up to look at the other man who was boasting a sheepish, yet affectionate smile. He really was the luckiest guy alive to have found someone like King. For the first time in three weeks, Ram finally fully relaxed.

“I love you, P’King.”

“I love you too, Ram.”  
-  
“I haven’t seen Ram in a while, I assume he took my advice.”

“Wait, when was Ram with you?” King looked up from his lunch confused, “Also what advice?”

Bohn, looking far too proud of himself, leaned forward and stage whispered, “I told him to tell you that he wanted to touch your-” 

King quickly slapped his hand over Bohn’s mouth, “What the fuck, Bohn!?”

The table erupted with questions and snickers. At that same moment somewhere across campus, Ram was struck with the indescribable urge to punch Bohn in the face.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone else here live in Iowa? The derecho really did a number on us, my town is experiencing state of emergency right now. It's been two weeks on and off without power and/or wifi. Great times had by all. But hey, gave me plenty of time to write this when I had power.


End file.
